"Life is a banquet, and most poor bastards are starving to death."

"People who are arrogant on account of their wealth are about equal to the Laplanders, who measure a man's worth by the number of his reindeer."

"They couldn't hit an elephant at this distance."

"Ignorance, when voluntary, is criminal, and a man may be properly charged with that evil which he neglected or refused to learn how to prevent."

"Real freedom is having nothing. I was freer when I didn't have a cent."

"We can begin by noting that the body prefers to keep itself alive."

"This is a celebration of individual freedom, not of homosexuality. No government has the right to tell its citizens when or whom to love. The only queer people are those who don't love anybody."

"The true skeptic will never believe you no matter how much proof you offer him. The true believer does not need it."

"I think I am a verb."

"I don't believe man is woman's natural enemy. Perhaps his lawyer is."

"The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools."

"I'll sleep when I'm dead."