"This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only read two."

"Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed."

"Too bad the only people who know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair."

"Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made."

"If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age."

"If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn't ask me, I'd still have to say it."

"Life is like a B-picture script. It is that corny. If I had my life story offered to me to film, I'd turn it down."

"Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say, abstains from giving us worthy evidence of the fact."

"Few people are capable of expressing with equanimity opinions which differ from the prejudices of their social environment. Most People are even incapable of forming such opinions."

"PLEONASM, n. An army of words escorting a corporal of thought."

"I hate the word housewife; I don't like the word home-maker either. I want to be called Domestic Goddess."

"If you neglect to recharge a battery, it dies. And if you run full speed ahead without stopping for water, you lose momentum to finish the race."